Standing on Baby Jesus’ Skull and Urinating on the Lord, My bad …

Recently on Autism Daddy‘s Facebook page, the topic came up embarrassing stories related to poo, pee, etc. and two immediately came to mind for me.  While we have had out share of crapisodes as Kim Stagliano likes to call them, thankfully they are fewer these days and the potty is not a huge deal anymore (knock on wood, since I know things can regress on a moment’s notice).

The two that came to mind for me were …

1. Standing on the Baby Jesus’ skull and urinating on the lord and savior.  When my daughter was still very young, my wife wanted her to be in a Christmas program at a local church.  She was and still is the optimist of the family.  She is usually right and I am glad we did whatever it was that she wanted us to do, but in this case I saw where this was going.  This was a fairly large church and my daughter was the hit of the show.  I don’t recall what her specific part was since I refused to attend, but I think she was, ironically, an angel.  She didn’t stay where she was supposed to and the crowd was more focused on her than the impending birth of Jesus.  As a closing act, she stood on the baby Jesus (not a real baby) and proceeded to urinate on him.  As my grandmother would say, “I have already asked the Lord to forgive me for this and I don’t want to talk about it any more!”

The second episode that came to mind was just this past Christmas.  My stepbrother and his wife came to visit.  They went out for a bit to do some shopping and came back to the mother of all crapisodes.  My daughter, who has been great with the potty, just could not make it this time.  She had an upset stomach and was outside swinging.  She made a mad dash for the bathroom and almost made it.  Right around the GUEST BEDROOM, with her pants down, she spewed a diarrhea stream on the wall and left a lake o’ poo juice in the hallway right.  This continued into the bathroom and took out the bath mat and even made it’s way all over the shower current.  As luck would have it, our guest returned about a minute after the eruption.  They are young and have no kids.  I am thinking this probably them set back having kids or awhile.

Ah, the joys of autism poop tales …

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