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Special needs kids need special parents

Posted on October 29th, 2009 by admin

A few months ago this appeared in Dear Abby and got my blood boiling, Dear Abby, I’m frickin’ clueless … Autism Aunt Raises Money and Autism Dad’s Blood Pressure. Hopefully, clueless aunt got the picture and realized that the number one thing she can do to help is watch the kid and GIVE HER SISTER A MUCH NEEDED BREAK instead of bitching about her not participating the the family fund raising efforts!

Well it seems that a few others have chimed in on this subject this week.

Dear Abby:

On Aug. 10 you printed a letter from an aunt who was upset because her sister, the mother of a child with autism, doesn’t have time to join in fundraising with her and the rest of the family. While I commend the writer and her family for raising money for autism research, that woman needs to cut her sister some slack.

Very few parents have the emotional energy, not to mention time, to advocate for their child’s special needs. I commend you for giving the writer of that letter the answer you did. I would challenge anyone who thinks he or she could “handle it” to walk a mile in our shoes.

SPECIAL-NEEDS MOM in Alabama

Dear Mom:

I heard from the parents of many special-needs children who echoed your sentiments. Read on:

Dear Abby:

I am the mother of two boys with special needs, and I can assure you, that woman is already “very involved” in a way her sister cannot even begin to imagine. It is a labor of love that requires intense attention to their every action and potential need.

Perhaps “Raising Money” should spend a day being the primary caregiver for her nephew while trying to complete household responsibilities or work.

The most charitable thing this aunt could do is to show up on her sister’s doorstep with dinner, an offer to do the laundry, and a comforting hug.

CINDY in Austin

Dear Abby:

No one fully understands what a parent with a child with a disability goes through from day one. First there is the emotional aspect. We grieve. It’s not the kind of grieving you do after a death. This is grieving that never ends. It cycles over and over. If you’re not crying, you’re angry. Some days you can accept and breathe; other days you just can’t. Anything can set you back, and suddenly you’re sobbing again.

Living with that, we often can’t get or hold jobs. Day care is a huge problem for us and our kids. If that woman really wants to help, she should offer respite care and get involved with the waiting list issue, which is as important as research.

SONJA in Colorado

Dear Sonja:

In this time of draconian cutbacks everywhere, I hope our politicians will direct their thinking away from divisive politics and being re-elected to what must be done to help our most vulnerable citizens.