On Forgiveness …
This topic is on my mind today because of some extended family issues that we have going on right now (not even related to Autism). First of all, beer drinking and discussing family issues is a BAD idea. Period. Write that down as a universal truth. Let me say it again, drinking and discussing festering family issues will not be a productive evening and may lead to a nice hangover to boot.
These are some quotes on forgiveness that I used to keep on my wall. I had to pull them out today for a refresher course.
- “When you hold resentment toward another, you are bound to that person or condition by an emotional link that is stronger than steel. Forgiveness is the only way to dissolve that link and get free.” - Catherine Ponder
- “They who forgive most shall be most forgiven.” - William Blake
- “To be wronged is nothing unless you continue to remember it.” - Confucius
- “Little vicious minds abound with anger and revenge and are incapable of feeling the pleasure of forgiving their enemies.” - Ephesians 1:7
- “Keeping score of old scores and scars, getting even and one-upping, always makes you less than you are”. - Robert Frost
- “The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong”. - Mahatma Gandhi
- “To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover the prisoner was you”. - Unknown
- “Anger makes you smaller, while forgiveness forces you to grow beyond what you were. -Cherie Carter-Scott
- “He who has not forgiven an enemy has never yet tasted one of the most sublime enjoyments of life”. - C.S. Lewis
- “You have heard that it was said, “Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.” But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you.” - Jesus (Matthew 5:43-44)
There are always going to be people who do you wrong and talk about you behind your back. There are always going to be injustices done to us that we can dwell on. When we do this, it hurts no one but ourselves. If we go around keeping score and worrying about what someone else did or did not do, we will never live up to our own potential. I heard a great analogy on a Joel Osteen podcast (#337) related to this topic. Here’s the gist of it, eagles can fly as high as 30,000 feet, much higher than a crow or hawk.
You are called to be an eagle that soars and does great things. But, throughout life there will always be a few crows crowing at you and trying to bring you down. Sometimes there will be a few hawks that try to argue with you, fight with you and distract you. Your job is to rise above all of those voices and strive towards your God-given calling. When the crow is pestering the eagle, the eagle simply flies up higher. He knows the crow cannot live at his altitude and he does not have to fight. -Joel Osteen (#337 - Critical Voices)
If someone has done you wrong or failed to live up to what you think they should have done for you, forgive them and let it go. I was talking to another Autism dad a few weeks ago and he said that the friends and family who help them with their child’s autism; give 110%. Those that don’t help put forth 0% effort. There is very little in between. It’s all or nothing. Could he have held on to this and been bitter? Sure. Could he talk about them and try to argue with them about it? Sure. Would it help him or his family? Nope. There is something very powerful in forgiving someone and not trying to be right. When you forgive someone that may not deserve it (or even know you did it), YOU are the one who benefits.
Our job is not to win over the critics and nay-sayers. Some people have been through a lot of hurt in their lives. You cannot let their messed up life poison your life. They may be spewing out the criticism, the bitterness, the rejection. Don’t let that poison get on the inside of you. If not careful, then you will sink down to the crow’s level. We all have people who are going to gossip, try to make you look bad, try to blow things out of proportion. If not careful, we will sink down to their level and start talking bad about them, trying to argue, to prove that we are right, but that’s just like that eagle chasing around a crow. What a waste of his time. We need to start rising up higher. Start overlooking offenses. Start shaking things off. Don’t spend your time trying to change their mind. The way you defeat them is by simply going up higher. In other words, let your life do the talking. If you will stay on the high road, time will always answer your critics. -Joel Osteen (#337 - Critical Voices)
“The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.” Mahatma Gandhi Mousepad
Filed under: Parent Tips, Family
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